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Law firm pivots Associates to hand sanitiser production amidst coronavirus lockdowns

  • In Satire
  • May 1, 2020
  • Elias Pivep
Law firm pivots Associates to hand sanitiser production amidst coronavirus lockdowns

Amidst the shutdown of most commercial districts, law firm Paddy & Partners has found a novel way to eek every productive bone out of their Associates whilst pivoting into the ASX’s flavour-of-the-month, hand sanitiser production. 

It follows a similar trend amongst companies which previously had no experience producing sanitiser, entering the market to capitalise on global supply shortfalls driven by the coronavirus pandemic. 

The process has given Partner Martina Martinez another reason to micromanage her team of Associates whilst the firm’s cases have dried up due to the courts shutdown.

“Part of being a law firm Associate is doing pointless tasks which have nothing to do with a career in law, it’s just the natural order in our industry,” said Martinez. 

“To make sure they were not slacking off at home, we dropped off four barrels of chemicals at each Associate’s house. There’s enough for them to each produce 5,000 bottles of hand sanitiser. 

“How they do it and where they store it is up to them. It’s called problem solving, something lawyers do.”

Fair Work confirmed that it was within the law for employers to redeploy staff as part of the JobKeeper stimulus program. 

Paddy & Partners has issued an unexpected profit upgrade for FY20 citing “operating efficiencies”.

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Elias Pivep
Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.
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  • About
  • Latest Posts
Elias Pivep
Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.
Latest posts by Elias Pivep (see all)
  • Family shocked at how much money they saved by not buying useless Christmas presents - January 2, 2023
  • Annoying coworker goes quiet after ATAR results reveal their son is an idiot - December 15, 2022
  • World Cup fan too tired to get kids ready for school - December 8, 2022

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  • About
  • Latest Posts
Elias Pivep
Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.
Latest posts by Elias Pivep (see all)
  • Family shocked at how much money they saved by not buying useless Christmas presents - January 2, 2023
  • Annoying coworker goes quiet after ATAR results reveal their son is an idiot - December 15, 2022
  • World Cup fan too tired to get kids ready for school - December 8, 2022
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