Awkward hospitality worker feigns sadness upon news he must claim Jobsaver stimulus

For bartender Vic Vinegar, news of the coronavirus lockdowns were met with tears as he learned he would no longer have to work 7 nights a week in a dungy dive bar cleaning piss and vomit. 

With social gathering laws restricting venues to no more than 2 people at any time, the venue manager had no choice than to stand down Vinegar and shut the establishment until the pandemic was over. 

In doing so, Vinegar’s employer can keep Vinegar on the books whilst the venue was closed and claim back $1,500 per fortnight through the Australian Government’s $130 billion Jobsaver stimulus package.

“This job was my life, I’m going to be so lost without it,” said a teary-eyed Vinegar. 

“Instead of getting $1,200 a fortnight to work 8pm to 4am every night, my life has been thrown into disarray. 

“What will I do with my days now that I don’t have to sleep all day? How will I spend my $1,500 a fortnight?” 

When asked whether Vinegar might seek alternative employment to give his life more purpose, Vinegar was non-committal.