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Beer companies fret over soccer fans having a good time sober

Following the news of stadiums in Qatar choosing not to sell beer to fans at the FIFA World Cup, beer company executives are shivering in fear with their greatest secret potentially revealed to the world – it may actually be possible to enjoy sports while sober. 

Concerns within the beer community come with the FIFA World Cup underway without beer available at stadiums, within the Islamic State where alcohol is forbidden. For tourists attending the games, the absence of beer came as a massive shock after Budweiser has been engaged as the beer partner of choice for the tournament. Following the decisional backflip, millions of litres of Budweiser currently rest within Qatar, out of reach from thirsty spectators. 

For Socceroos supporter Hugh Honey who made the trip over from Australia to see his beloved national team hoist the trophy for the first time, the absence of beer initially came as a shock, but one he is adapting to in line with his tourist mantra of trying new things out of his comfort zone. 

“I haven’t watched a game of football without a beer in more than 30 years,” said Honey.

“But this experience in Qatar has been so refreshing, because I can actually see the game clearly, understand the game plan and don’t blindly abuse the umpire for every decision that doesn’t go our way.

“It’s all quite enjoyable, even when we lose. It’s nice to not wake up with bruises all over my body the next day unaware of who caused them.” 

Several beer executives, who asked not to be named, are petitioning global sporting bodies to never host international sports events in Qatar ever again. 

Elias Pivep

Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.

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