With no idea what to feed her children for lunch now that ham sandwiches lead to cancer, Martina Martinez placed her child’s lunch order with the Cancer Council requesting a non-cancerous lunch but is still yet to hear back from the organisation.

Placing a $10 note in a paper bag with her child’s name and lunch order on it, Martinez dropped it off at the Cancer Council’s office following their latest warning pamphlets discouraging parents from feeding their children ham for lunch. Rightly so, the pork industry was up in arms given ham is the most common sandwich meat across Australia and a downright staple in any child’s passage through school.

“I just don’t know what to do anymore,” said Martinez.

“When I went through school, my mother gave me ham and cheese sandwiches so with my children now at school, it made perfect sense to give them the same since we had no problem with them.

“None of us have cancer but with the Council knowing better and telling us how all foods can increase our chance of getting cancer, I figured they would be the best people to organise the school lunches so I just ordered a non-cancerous lunch from them.”

While awaiting her lunch order to be delivered by the Cancer Council, Martinez’s child was found unconscious from malnourishment. Authorities were unable to locate her lunch.