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Elon Musk fires 50% of Twitter workforce, discovers remainder were bots

  • In Satire
  • November 3, 2022
  • Elias Pivep
Elon Musk fires 50% of Twitter workforce, discovers remainder were bots

When Twitter reported less than 5% of their users were bots, it convinced Elon Musk to make a takeover offer. Now with keys to the kingdom, it hasn’t taken Musk long to work out those bots extend well beyond Twitter handles as he undertakes mass layoffs throughout the Twitter office, relieving those who offer no value to the platform. 

While starting at the top of the tree in removing former CEO Parag Agrawal, it was all pretty straight forward until Musk arrived at Twitter’s customer support department. 

Immediately queried what they did, and why so many Twitter users had difficulty obtaining support, the department head’s response frustrated the billionaire. 

“Welcome to Twitter. We welcome your support in contributing to the Twitterverse. How can we assist you today?” responded the department head. 

Musk quickly demanded a 20 second explanation as to why the department should retain their jobs. 

“Select the topic that best describes your issue, then you’ll fill out a form with your specific details,” responded the employee. 

A frustrated Musk offered free Tesla vehicles to anyone in the room that could give a reason for keeping their job. 

“We are sorry you feel that way. If you’d like to complete this feedback form, it will be forwarded to a Twitter representative who may come back to you within 365 days.” 

Musk promptly charged all employees $8 for his presence and went home. 

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Elias Pivep
Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.
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  • World Cup fan too tired to get kids ready for school - December 8, 2022
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  • About
  • Latest Posts
Elias Pivep
Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.
Latest posts by Elias Pivep (see all)
  • Family shocked at how much money they saved by not buying useless Christmas presents - January 2, 2023
  • Annoying coworker goes quiet after ATAR results reveal their son is an idiot - December 15, 2022
  • World Cup fan too tired to get kids ready for school - December 8, 2022

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  • About
  • Latest Posts
Elias Pivep
Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.
Latest posts by Elias Pivep (see all)
  • Family shocked at how much money they saved by not buying useless Christmas presents - January 2, 2023
  • Annoying coworker goes quiet after ATAR results reveal their son is an idiot - December 15, 2022
  • World Cup fan too tired to get kids ready for school - December 8, 2022
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