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Local dad confirms 700 drinks doesn’t make you a distraction at son’s tennis match

  • In Satire
  • July 14, 2022
  • Elias Pivep
Local dad confirms 700 drinks doesn’t make you a distraction at son’s tennis match

Is it possible to consume 700 alcoholic drinks and not be a distraction? It’s the brainteaser plaguing the tennis world that local hero Hugh Honey volunteered to debunk at his son’s junior tennis championships. 

The challenge came about after Nick Kyrgios insisted a fan be kicked out of the Wimbledon final for being a distraction, only to be let back in shortly after. 

While Honey attempted the challenge at his son’s semi-final, he quickly learned that he did not have enough time to get to 700 during the match which ended after he consumed 14 drinks during the straight sets victory. 

“If I can drink 14 drinks in 2 hours, it works out to be 7 per hour so I’ve done the maths and in order to reach 700 by the time of the final, I need to get started 100 hours before the match,” said Honey. 

With the match scheduled for Saturday afternoon, Honey elected that the best way to reach the target would be to forgo sleep and undertake a 5-day bender starting on Monday, going at 7 drinks per hour. He gave himself the extra day to account for bathroom breaks. 

9 hours into the challenge, Honey passed out. 

He later woke from an induced coma to learn his son lost the final because his Dad was not yelling with support loud enough from the hospital bed. 

 

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Elias Pivep
Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.
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  • About
  • Latest Posts
Elias Pivep
Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.
Latest posts by Elias Pivep (see all)
  • Family shocked at how much money they saved by not buying useless Christmas presents - January 2, 2023
  • Annoying coworker goes quiet after ATAR results reveal their son is an idiot - December 15, 2022
  • World Cup fan too tired to get kids ready for school - December 8, 2022

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  • About
  • Latest Posts
Elias Pivep
Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.
Latest posts by Elias Pivep (see all)
  • Family shocked at how much money they saved by not buying useless Christmas presents - January 2, 2023
  • Annoying coworker goes quiet after ATAR results reveal their son is an idiot - December 15, 2022
  • World Cup fan too tired to get kids ready for school - December 8, 2022
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