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Malnourished journalist survives another round of newspaper layoffs

  • In Satire
  • May 28, 2020
  • Elias Pivep
Malnourished journalist survives another round of newspaper layoffs

It’s now been months since she’s eaten a meal other than Mi Goreng instant noodles but journalist Martina Martinez insists that being able to keep citizens informed of the latest reality television rumours is more important than red meat. 

For Martinez, life seems fulfilled despite the consistent havoc played out in newsrooms around her which this week has seen New Corp (ASX: NWS), Nine Entertainment (ASX: NEC) and Channel 10 announce mass layoffs. 

Not being pulled into a 1-on-1 meeting with management, Martinez has now survived 69 rounds of layoffs in the last 10 years as newspapers continue struggling to compete with online mediums for advertising revenue. 

“Ten years ago, I started as a business reporter where I uncovered several embezzlement and fraud stories. It was so rewarding and affirmed my love of journalism,” said Martinez. 

“But since then, the only way newspapers can sell advertising is to sacrifice journalistic integrity by reporting on reality television shows and producing sponsored content.

“Even now, I’ve taken four pay cuts just to keep a job which I am grateful for because I wasted four years studying journalism and no one else hires qualified professionals since literally anyone can do what we do.” 

Having recently completed her secondment to the nearby cafe to report on last season’s Married at First Sight recaps, Martinez will now spend the next eight weeks on construction sites reporting on Big Brother rumours. 

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Elias Pivep
Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.
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  • About
  • Latest Posts
Elias Pivep
Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.
Latest posts by Elias Pivep (see all)
  • Family shocked at how much money they saved by not buying useless Christmas presents - January 2, 2023
  • Annoying coworker goes quiet after ATAR results reveal their son is an idiot - December 15, 2022
  • World Cup fan too tired to get kids ready for school - December 8, 2022

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  • About
  • Latest Posts
Elias Pivep
Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.
Latest posts by Elias Pivep (see all)
  • Family shocked at how much money they saved by not buying useless Christmas presents - January 2, 2023
  • Annoying coworker goes quiet after ATAR results reveal their son is an idiot - December 15, 2022
  • World Cup fan too tired to get kids ready for school - December 8, 2022
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