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Marketing guru shocked to actually get response from LinkedIn DM spam

Insisting she has the solution for all of your business needs, self-appointed marketing specialist Vicky Vinegar has been using LinkedIn to offer his services to senior managers via direct message for the past four years. This week, Vicky fell off his chair when she actually got a response. 

“Business is all about the internet nowadays so I help those from the older generations navigate the world wide web,” said Vinegar. 

“Just knowing what acronyms like SEO, CRM and EDM make me an online marketing expert so I utilise LinkedIn to add everyone in the world with ‘Manager’, ‘Officer’ or ‘President’  in their title, before offering my services. 

“The key is to promise you know more about their business than they do, and that you can solve all the problems they didn’t know they had.” 

When queried by the responsive Exec about some success stories of online marketing campaigns Vinegar had executed, she was non-committal. 

“It’s all about Google, SEO, landing pages and open source. I’ll take you there,” she said.

Elias Pivep

Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.

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