Sensing the commercial appeal of soccer’s European Super League, some of the world’s largest multinational corporations are set to announce their involvement in the European Super Exchange where corporate regulation will be eased to maximise corporate profits. 

Under the proposed European Super Exchange (ESE) model, business practices shunned upon by national regulators are tipped to be widely accepted, and in many cases encouraged by shareholders. This is expected to include the adoption of money laundering, child labour and rescinding of human rights laws. 

“Corporate social responsibility is the biggest impediment to maximising profits for any Company,” said Hugh Honey, the architect behind the ESE. 

“I’ve reached out to Royal Dutch Shell, BP, Volkswagen, Glencore, Allianz, Siemens and many more. These are the biggest companies in Europe and all the calls went well. I think we’re just days away from formalising the European Super Exchange. 

“They love the idea of controlling regulation to improve profit margins so it makes perfect sense to maximise their shareholder value. 

“Once they all de-list from their home exchanges, listing on the European Super Exchange will be the pinnacle of international business.” 

Share prices on the exchange will only be able to move upwards, and the only way investors can acquire shares will be via ‘ultra-sophisticated billionaire investor’ status verification.