With the AFL Grand Final done for another year, water cooler conversation around the office is going be tragically awkward for hardcore footy fan Vic Vinegar who literally has nothing else to talk about outside of his work and football. 

Previous attempts to diversify his social vernacular have fallen on deaf ears with Vinegar trying in the past to converse about subjects way over his head, such as healthcare reform and fine dining. 

Co-worker Martina Martinez is one who utterly despises the months between October and February when AFL makes way on the sporting calendar for horse racing, cricket and tennis of which Vinegar describes as being “crap sports that nobody follows”. 

Conscious of the unbearable conversations that arise through the summer months, Martinez plans her entire day around avoiding Vinegar but occasionally slips up. 

“Last year I made the mistake of going on my lunch break before Vic and got trapped in the kitchen when he came in to microwave a packet of hotdogs,” said Martinez. 

“He proceeded to tell me about the nutritional value of his hotdogs, why he maintains his quota of four a day and when I politely declined his offer of one, he accepted my refusal under the assumption it was ‘that time of the month’.

“I couldn’t even think of where to begin so I just smiled politely and told him to enjoy his microwaved hotdogs.” 

Martinez maintains a calendar at her desk where she counts down the days until her conversation with Vinegar can return to just being about how his team went on the weekend, or how he thinks they’ll go this weekend.