Category Specific RSS

Categories: Satire

Office superfan calls BS on lack of Olympic swimming events

Despite being the most irrelevant co-worker outside of the two weeks he shows the remotest level of passion every four years, office patriot Vic Vinegar is calling out the International Olympic Committee for its swimming program which he insists should be longer. 

The calls come after Australia’s swim team dominated in the pool with 9 gold medals coming from the swimming program. 

At the halfway mark of the Tokyo 2020 games, Australia’s only other gold medals came with two in rowing, Jess Fox in the canoe slalom and Logan Martin in the freestyle BMX. 

Printing out photos of Emma McKeon, Ariarne Titmus and Kaylee McKeown and plastering them all over the office, most coworkers didn’t even know Vinegar existed before he emerged as a sudden expert on Australian swimming. 

With this sheer dominance in the pool, Vinegar is supremely confident that Australia would challenge China and the United States if the Olympic Committee set a fairer program with more swimming events, and less events that Australia is not very good at. 

“Between the marathon, 10km, 5km and 3km running events, it seems like they could really add a few more swimming events so the program is more fair for Australia,” suggested Vinegar. 

“If they’d added a 75m freestyle for Emma, 150m backstroke for Kaylee and 300m freestyle for Ariarne, the variety would have been much more reflective of the different skills required to be an Olympic champion.” 

Vinegar has been called in for a meeting with HR to address some of his more questionable Google searches over the past week. 

Elias Pivep

Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.

Recent Posts

Stakk Secures T-Mobile Contract to Power Super App Expansion

Australian fintech Stakk (ASX:SKK) has signed a three-year agreement with U.S. telecommunications giant T-Mobile USA,…

6 days ago

Medibank Backs Emyria with Landmark Depression Care Deal

Australia’s mental health burden is growing – and one of the toughest challenges is treatment-resistant…

2 weeks ago

NoviqTech Launches Quantum Intelligence Products, Opening Path to Enterprise-Grade Quantum AI

NoviqTech Limited (ASX:NVQ) has taken a decisive step into the quantum computing market, unveiling the…

2 weeks ago

BRE Wins Final Permit to Advance Rare Earth Pilot Plant in Brazil

Brazilian Rare Earths Limited (ASX:BRE) has cleared its last regulatory hurdle to begin pilot operations…

1 month ago

Harris Technology eyes profitability as refurbished tech sales surge

In an era of rising living costs and shifting consumer priorities, one Australian company is…

1 month ago

QIC Fund Backs Ark Mines with $4.5m to Accelerate Sandy Mitchell Development

Queensland’s push to strengthen its critical minerals supply chain has taken another step forward, with…

1 month ago