Category Specific RSS

Categories: Satire

Punter insists he is winning every weekend on the punt, despite coming home empty handed

With the Winter racing carnival coming to a close, Imogen Ignorette is disappointed that her husband will be back at home on weekends.

Beyond getting Saturdays to herself from March through to June for the Sydney Autumn and Brisbane Winter racing carnivals, the household income is set to fall dramatically with husband Ivan no longer punting at the pub on Saturdays.

“He loses about $200 every Saturday but insists he actually won,” said Mrs Ignorette.

“Three months ago, we refinanced our mortgage so that Ivan could purchase some TabCorp stock.

“Now when he loses on the punt, we’re just breaking even because we’re losing the money to ourselves.”

TabCorp Holdings last paid a dividend of 11cps, a yield of 4.6%.

Mr and Mrs Ignorette await the next one.

Elias Pivep

Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.

Recent Posts

Semtech and EMASS Bring Intelligence to the Edge as AI Meets Long-Range IoT

Australia’s industrial and IoT sectors are racing toward smarter, more autonomous sensing and one of…

1 month ago

Control Bionics Moves to Fully Acquire NeuroBounce Program as EMG-Based Performance Tech Gains Momentum

As interest in neuromuscular activation tools accelerates across elite sport, Control Bionics Limited (ASX:CBL) is…

1 month ago

SKS Technologies Moves to Expand NSW Footprint With Delta Elcom Acquisition

Australia’s data-centre construction sector continues to surge on the back of cloud adoption, AI-driven computing…

2 months ago

Monash University Partners with HITIQ to Advance Concussion Science Using Smart Mouthguards

A major Australian research initiative is set to push forward global understanding of brain injury,…

2 months ago

Harris Technology targets return to profitability amid surging Refurbished Tech sales and Apple expansion

Following a successful FY25 which saw a boost in gross profit after launching its refurbished…

3 months ago

Pivotal Metals Secures $5.4M to Fast-Track Quebec Drill Program

Pivotal Metals (ASX:PVT) has locked in $5.4 million in fresh funding to accelerate exploration across…

3 months ago