Category Specific RSS

Categories: Satire

Relieved introvert prepares COVID fears as excuse for everything

As Sydney and Melbourne brace for mass lockdowns, introverts across both cities will get some much-needed anxiety relief without the need to come up with random excuses to avoid social situations.

By highlighting the risks of catching COVID-19, Sydney resident Martina Martinez can save an excuse from her stockpile of preconceived reasons why she doesn’t want to visit her in-laws.

“With the amount of times I’ve told them about my surgical operations, religious conversions and the amount of deaths in what must be the biggest family in history, it’s incredible that they let me marry their son,” said Martinez.

“Thankfully with the lockdowns in place, I don’t need to use the next excuse on my list because I think alien abduction would have really stretched my relationship with them.”

While Martinez was excited to spend the next few weeks cooped up at home in isolation, her husband suddenly felt it was his civic duty to join the front line in Sydney’s fight against the virus.

Elias Pivep

Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.

Recent Posts

Semtech and EMASS Bring Intelligence to the Edge as AI Meets Long-Range IoT

Australia’s industrial and IoT sectors are racing toward smarter, more autonomous sensing and one of…

1 month ago

Control Bionics Moves to Fully Acquire NeuroBounce Program as EMG-Based Performance Tech Gains Momentum

As interest in neuromuscular activation tools accelerates across elite sport, Control Bionics Limited (ASX:CBL) is…

1 month ago

SKS Technologies Moves to Expand NSW Footprint With Delta Elcom Acquisition

Australia’s data-centre construction sector continues to surge on the back of cloud adoption, AI-driven computing…

2 months ago

Monash University Partners with HITIQ to Advance Concussion Science Using Smart Mouthguards

A major Australian research initiative is set to push forward global understanding of brain injury,…

2 months ago

Harris Technology targets return to profitability amid surging Refurbished Tech sales and Apple expansion

Following a successful FY25 which saw a boost in gross profit after launching its refurbished…

3 months ago

Pivotal Metals Secures $5.4M to Fast-Track Quebec Drill Program

Pivotal Metals (ASX:PVT) has locked in $5.4 million in fresh funding to accelerate exploration across…

3 months ago