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Relieved introvert prepares COVID fears as excuse for everything

  • In Satire
  • July 15, 2021
  • Elias Pivep
Relieved introvert prepares COVID fears as excuse for everything

As Sydney and Melbourne brace for mass lockdowns, introverts across both cities will get some much-needed anxiety relief without the need to come up with random excuses to avoid social situations.

By highlighting the risks of catching COVID-19, Sydney resident Martina Martinez can save an excuse from her stockpile of preconceived reasons why she doesn’t want to visit her in-laws.

“With the amount of times I’ve told them about my surgical operations, religious conversions and the amount of deaths in what must be the biggest family in history, it’s incredible that they let me marry their son,” said Martinez.

“Thankfully with the lockdowns in place, I don’t need to use the next excuse on my list because I think alien abduction would have really stretched my relationship with them.”

While Martinez was excited to spend the next few weeks cooped up at home in isolation, her husband suddenly felt it was his civic duty to join the front line in Sydney’s fight against the virus.

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Elias Pivep
Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.
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  • Annoying coworker goes quiet after ATAR results reveal their son is an idiot - December 15, 2022
  • World Cup fan too tired to get kids ready for school - December 8, 2022
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  • About
  • Latest Posts
Elias Pivep
Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.
Latest posts by Elias Pivep (see all)
  • Family shocked at how much money they saved by not buying useless Christmas presents - January 2, 2023
  • Annoying coworker goes quiet after ATAR results reveal their son is an idiot - December 15, 2022
  • World Cup fan too tired to get kids ready for school - December 8, 2022

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  • About
  • Latest Posts
Elias Pivep
Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.
Latest posts by Elias Pivep (see all)
  • Family shocked at how much money they saved by not buying useless Christmas presents - January 2, 2023
  • Annoying coworker goes quiet after ATAR results reveal their son is an idiot - December 15, 2022
  • World Cup fan too tired to get kids ready for school - December 8, 2022
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