As much of the Eastern world celebrated bringing in the Year of the Tiger amid Chinese New Year festivities, 32nd generation white guy Hugh Honey joined them in spirit from the comfort of his lounge room, ordering Chinese takeaway to commemorate the occasion that he took a week off from work to celebrate.
Drawing on his family’s cultural ties where Honey’s sister Becky married a half-Malaysian man, Honey notified HR that it would be culturally insensitive for him to be at work this week when cultural customs dictate Chinese New Year to be a time of rest and family time. Via that brother-in-law connection, Honey’s niece Becca is technically quarter-Asian and a close enough family member for Honey to claim the holiday for himself.
“Once Mitch married Becky and they had Becca, it effectively made our family Chinese so if that means I have to take the week off to do things like see tigers at the zoo and eat tiger prawns, then that is now my cultural obligation,” said Honey.
When questioned whether Honey had spent any of his week off doing cultural activities with his newfound diaspora, he cited COVID fears as the reason for not going to the zoo or taking his extended family out for dinner.
He did however thank Mitch for the “awesome food” that “my people” brought to Australia but failed to gift a red envelope to Becca which would have been customary for those celebrating the holiday.
Honey’s co-workers of Asian descent did not miss any time off from work while Becca went to school the next day as did all the other children of Asian heritage.
Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.
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