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Citibank to offer ‘friendship’ in hope of getting $900 million refund after blunder

  • In Satire
  • August 21, 2020
  • Elias Pivep
Citibank to offer ‘friendship’ in hope of getting $900 million refund after blunder

Normally when you enter the wrong bank account details for a payment, it gets bounced back but Citibank employees were not so lucky after transferring $900 million to a loan account for Revlon and lenders refusing to send the money back.

Stuck in a difficult position, representatives of Citibank have commenced legal proceedings to recoup the amount that was transferred incorrectly, but life coach Hugh Honey suggests Citibank should adopt a softer approach in the new world, rampant with political correctness.

“The key to conflict resolution in today’s world is to use honey instead of vinegar,” said Honey.

“I can be very persuasive and I get there by doing nice things like offering friendship and using please and thank yous.

“Being a life coach, something every successful person in the world needs, I implore Citibank to just ask nicely rather than demanding their money through legal teams.”

In their efforts, Citibank legal representatives have been successful in getting half of the funds frozen and have vowed to increase their legal efforts until the full $900m is returned.

Although formally educated in debt collection risk management, Honey has never held a position for more than a month.

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Elias Pivep
Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.
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  • About
  • Latest Posts
Elias Pivep
Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.
Latest posts by Elias Pivep (see all)
  • Family shocked at how much money they saved by not buying useless Christmas presents - January 2, 2023
  • Annoying coworker goes quiet after ATAR results reveal their son is an idiot - December 15, 2022
  • World Cup fan too tired to get kids ready for school - December 8, 2022

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  • About
  • Latest Posts
Elias Pivep
Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.
Latest posts by Elias Pivep (see all)
  • Family shocked at how much money they saved by not buying useless Christmas presents - January 2, 2023
  • Annoying coworker goes quiet after ATAR results reveal their son is an idiot - December 15, 2022
  • World Cup fan too tired to get kids ready for school - December 8, 2022
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