Investor loads up on aspirin in response to COVID vaccine side effects

Amid news of the COVID-19 vaccine leading to blood clotting as a side effect among recipients, investor Hugh Honey has identified an investment opportunity whereby he has emptied the shelves of supermarkets and pharmacies across the country, hoarding all the aspirin he can get his hands on. 

Honey, a long time aspirin user, drew upon his years of medical expertise when taking out a reverse-mortgage on his home. 

“My Grandad passed away from a heart attack a few years ago and the doctor suggested the likelihood could have been reduced if he’d taken an aspirin or two every week to thin his blood,” said Honey. 

“Since then, I’ve taken 10 a day and I haven’t had a heart attack so it’s clearly stopping my blood from clotting and when the rest of the world realises this medical breakthrough, I’ll make millions re-selling all this aspirin.” 

While aspirin has medically-proven blood thinning properties, Honey’s grandfather was also demonstratively obese, an alcoholic and a smoker. 

Honey remained unfazed when notified of the extremely low occurrence rate of blood clotting as a side effect from COVID-19 vaccinations.