New incentive bonuses for media bosses that can resist sleeping with staff

Following the exploits at Nine Entertainment (ASX: NEC) and Seven West Media (ASX: SWM), network executives are set to introduce incentive bonuses for key leaders that can do their jobs without sleeping with their staff. 

The swift decision, which industry insiders thought was standard practice, comes following news of Nine CEO Hugh Marks voluntarily standing down just days after the Board of Directors became aware of an relationship he had started with a female member of staff at Nine. 

Under the proposed new incentive bonuses which will apply to leaders at Ten, ABC, SBS and other networks, executives will be granted escalating salary bonuses for each year of service they serve in which they do not sleep with a staff member. 

“These men are surrounded by beautiful, intelligent and career-driven women on a daily basis so this should put an end to all the scandal pretty quickly,” commented Nine viewer, Hugh Honey. 

“After the Tim Worner thing at Seven, you wouldn’t have thought lightning could strike twice, let alone in consecutive years, so the swift action from rival networks makes sense given all the money they’re making from these cheap reality shows on every night.” 

Under the proposed incentive schemes, the ability to resist sleeping with staffers (aka do their jobs properly) for seven consecutive years would warrant induction into the Ethical Media Leaders Hall of Fame.