Politician receives Order of Australia for not breaking the law or sleeping with junior staffers

In a rare move within the Australian political ranks, one long-time public servant has reached retirement having obeyed the law throughout his political career without crumbling to the temptations of drink driving or sleeping with junior staffers. As his rare reward for such a near-impossible task in public service, Hugh Honey has been awarded an Order of Australia medal. 

Mr Honey services the nation of Australia as the mail room manager at Parliament house, the highest title within his division. For 50 years, he has been responsible for ensuring the millions of fan mail letters are delivered to members of parliament from their adoring fans. 

Having finally hung up the satchel in his decorated political career without bringing any controversy to his office, or embarrassment to his political party, he has been  lauded as a national hero and appointed Chancellor at the Australian University of Politics. 

“This is such an honour and I am so proud to be the first Australian politician in 50 years to be bestowed with this award,” said Honey. 

“Every day for 50 years, I’ve just wanted to skull a 6-pack and drive home at ridiculous speeds, or force myself on one of the junior mailroom clerks to show them who their boss is. 

“But no. For once, I thought I would set an example and show Australia what can be possible if we resist our temptations and just perform our jobs like the public expects us to, and pays us for.” 

“It’s just such a proud day for my family and Australian politics in general for this medal to be awarded for the first time.” 

Tim Smith, Barnaby Joyce, Gladys Berijilkian and Bruce Lehrmann elected not to attend the medal ceremony.