Category Specific RSS

Categories: Satire

Punter insists he is winning every weekend on the punt, despite coming home empty handed

With the Winter racing carnival coming to a close, Imogen Ignorette is disappointed that her husband will be back at home on weekends.

Beyond getting Saturdays to herself from March through to June for the Sydney Autumn and Brisbane Winter racing carnivals, the household income is set to fall dramatically with husband Ivan no longer punting at the pub on Saturdays.

“He loses about $200 every Saturday but insists he actually won,” said Mrs Ignorette.

“Three months ago, we refinanced our mortgage so that Ivan could purchase some TabCorp stock.

“Now when he loses on the punt, we’re just breaking even because we’re losing the money to ourselves.”

TabCorp Holdings last paid a dividend of 11cps, a yield of 4.6%.

Mr and Mrs Ignorette await the next one.

Elias Pivep

Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.

Recent Posts

AML3D announces stronger FY26, with positive EBITDA reported in the second half

Adelaide-based metal printing group books record $12.5 million revenue and a record $78 million sales…

3 days ago

Refurbished tech gives Harris Technology a second life

Harris Technology has found a higher-margin growth engine in an unlikely place: the market for…

5 days ago

Imagion Biosystems Advances MagSense® Phase 2 Trial

Imagion Biosystems (ASX: IBX) is moving its MagSense® HER2 Imaging Agent Phase 1b/2 clinical trial…

1 week ago

Acrux-developed Menopause Hormone Therapy to enter Australian market

Acrux (ASX:ACR) is set to bring its transdermal Estradiol spray Lenzetto® to the Australian market…

3 months ago

Evion Expands Critical Minerals Push with Nevada Fluorspar Option

The race to secure Western-aligned critical minerals supply chains is accelerating as governments and industry…

4 months ago

Green360 Secures Holcim as First Commercial Eco-Clay Customer in Major Validation Milestone

Green360 Technologies (ASX:GT3) has taken a major step forward in the commercialisation of its low-carbon…

4 months ago