Spending countless hours in his mother’s basement playing Xbox throughout the night, Hugh Honey knew his calling in life would eventually come, insisting that he can convert his gaming prowess into reality and end the Russia-Ukraine war if given the chance.
For days, Honey has been dominating online tournaments, all the while trash talking his opposition about how he would be leading Ukraine’s kill count if not stuck in Australia. That was until Australian officials confirmed they would not interfere with those that wished to support Ukraine in their current plight against Russia, news that quickly led to Honey being called out across multiple COD forums.
Unfortunately for Honey however, he won’t be able to silence his doubters in the immediate future after pulling a hammy when running up the stairs to collect an Uber Eats order.
“I was all ready to go but with this injury, it wouldn’t be fair for the Ukrainians that have to cover for me while I hobble around,” said Honey.
“Don’t get me wrong, I’d be able to snipe those Russians from anywhere on the map but I’d want to do so one the front line so to make it a fair playing field, it would be best for everyone if we just give the hammy a few weeks.”
When questioned if he would be boarding a flight for Europe once his hamstring healed, he was non-committal.
“I get a bit excited when the Uber Eats guy arrives. This is actually the ninth time I’ve torn it this year so it might take awhile. I think the war might even be over by the time I’m right.”
Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.
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