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Newstart recipient offers to assist Westpac with better money laundering methods
With Westpac standing accused of 23 million breaches by Australia’s money laundering watchdog, Hugh Honey has offered his assistance to aide the banking giant in more secretive measures. “It’s all about casinos, drugs and terrible investments,” said Honey. “Trying to hide it within internal transactions is too obvious. They key to is log dodgy transactions
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Trader Paints Horses as Cows to Avoid Slaughterhouse Suspicion
Following revelations on ABC’s 7.30 regarding the slaughtering of racehorses, horse trader Ned Nugget has quickly minimised disruption to his horse trading business by painting white spots on his stock and passing them off as cows. “I need to put food on the table and with all these protesters sending me abuse and this hoo-ha
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Bearish investor preparing for BNPL bubble burst, racks up insane Afterpay debt
The rise of buy-now-pay-later platforms have made it easier than ever for consumers to spend money they don’t have. But shrewd investor Hugh Honey is so confident there will be a credit collapse, he has racked up thousands of dollars in Afterpay (ASX: APT) debt expecting it all to be wiped if the company collapses.
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Bricklayer watches Moneyball, will win World Series if given a chance
Amidst the meteoric rise of the Tampa Bay Rays to the MLB postseason fielding the lowest salary of all 30 MLB teams, Vic Vinegar has channeled his inner Billy Beane to declare he will win next year’s World Series for any team willing to give him a chance. A bricklayer by trade, Vinegar has mastered
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$150m brojob not enough as ScoMo notified he cannot be running mate
Australian taxpayers vented their fury on social media towards Scott Morrison after the Australian Prime Minister pledged $150m towards President Donald Trump’s mission to Mars. The funding announcement came during Morrison’s tour of the White House, which included a frivolous amount of photo opportunities where the two political leaders appeared extremely satisfied with each other’s
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Investor liquidates portfolio to invest in clean energy following Thunberg address
After watching a replay of Swedish teen activist Greta Thunberg addressing the United Nations, an inspired Hugh Honey has shifted his entire portfolio towards clean energy, wholeheartedly backing the pintsized sensation. The move comes not long after purchasing a substantial amount of petrol in readiness for a Saudi oil crisis. Like others who were moved
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