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Christian Porter eats raw garlic whole, praises local growers

  • In Satire
  • March 18, 2021
  • Elias Pivep
Christian Porter eats raw garlic whole, praises local growers

When unsure how to answer a question, pledge your support to local farmers. It’s a tried and true political strategy within the Liberal Party drawn upon this afternoon as Christian Porter identified garlic as his snack of choice in the middle of a press conference.

Journalists were left flummoxed half way through his media appearance when he elected not to address a question relating to allegations of historic sexual assault, instead asking himself whether he had breakfast this morning before producing raw garlic from his pocket. He then proceeded chomping on it like a normal person would an apple.

“Have you guys tried the local produce from around here?,” Porter asked media representatives in attendance.

“It’s great! Very fresh, excellent taste and grown with a spice of real Aussie pride.

“I have to commend the local growers from this community,” he said as worked his way through each clove.

Unsure how to respond, journalists quickly disbanded amid the pungent odour that crept across the gathering as Porter continued praising Australian farmers.

It continued strong industry support voiced by the Liberal Party where former Prime Minister Tony Abott is widely regarded as Australia’s finest connoisseur of raw onions.

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Elias Pivep
Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.
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  • About
  • Latest Posts
Elias Pivep
Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.
Latest posts by Elias Pivep (see all)
  • Family shocked at how much money they saved by not buying useless Christmas presents - January 2, 2023
  • Annoying coworker goes quiet after ATAR results reveal their son is an idiot - December 15, 2022
  • World Cup fan too tired to get kids ready for school - December 8, 2022

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  • About
  • Latest Posts
Elias Pivep
Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.
Latest posts by Elias Pivep (see all)
  • Family shocked at how much money they saved by not buying useless Christmas presents - January 2, 2023
  • Annoying coworker goes quiet after ATAR results reveal their son is an idiot - December 15, 2022
  • World Cup fan too tired to get kids ready for school - December 8, 2022
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