With news filtering across the Tasman that Jacinda Ardern has cancelled her wedding, a rejuvenated Vic Vinegar insists he is still a chance to woo the New Zealand Prime Minister whom he has long had an unhealthy infatuation with.
While Vinegar has the utmost respect for the institution of marriage, his glass half full mentality means the cancellation renews a small hope that he can throw a hail mary towards the 41-year-old mother of one.
“Until they formalise it, I’m still a chance,” said Vinegar with enthusiasm.
“As soon as I heard the wedding got called off, I renewed my gym membership and booked a cleaner to come and tidy up my apartment. A chance with Jacinda is just the motivation I need to get my life back on track.”
Upon informing Vinegar that Ardern’s wedding was cancelled only because of COVID lockdowns rather than anything untoward with her long-time partner, Vinegar quickly turned even more smitten.
“Putting the health and safety of her nation ahead of the personal joy of getting married – this woman is a saint, I can’t wait to slide into her DMs.”
An evergreen optimist, Vinegar declined to accept that his lack of employment, fact that he still lives with his parents, and Arden’s relationship status would be any impediment to woo-ing the woman named by Forbes as The World’s Greatest Leader.
Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.
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