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Newstart recipient offers to assist Westpac with better money laundering methods

With Westpac standing accused of 23 million breaches by Australia’s money laundering watchdog, Hugh Honey has offered his assistance to aide the banking giant in more secretive measures. 

“It’s all about casinos, drugs and terrible investments,” said Honey. 

“Trying to hide it within internal transactions is too obvious. They key to is log dodgy transactions as big losses which result in small gains.

“Just go to the casino with $100,000 in dirty money and walk out with $20,000 in clean money.” 

Amid the raft of allegations against Westpac are a series of low-value transactions to the Philippines and South East Asia which have an associated “heightened risk of child exploitation” Honey had hindsight suggestions for. 

“Buying individual kids just screams trafficking. Buyers should buy in dozens.”

Elias Pivep

Failed stand-up comic who now gets his kicks from Simpsons business memes.

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