Thrifty mother solves gas crisis, son to walk 10km to school

With petrol prices at record highs, families have been forced to tighten their budgets to the point where Martina Martinez must choose between a tank of petrol or her monthly manicure. Ultimately an easy decision, she has convinced son Morton that he’ll help save the planet by walking 10km to school rather than the normal pickup and drop off. 

As petrol prices top $2.20 per litre, the family budget has become so stretched that Martinez made the decision, citing the many benefits for all involved if Mort made the trek, twice daily. 

“The cost of petrol has really made me think about whether it was necessary to drive 20km to and from school and in the end, I think I’ve made the right decision in the interest of the planet,” said Martinez. 

“Mort is now 5 years old so it’s great that he’ll be able to get some additional exercise each day while also becoming more familiar with the neighbourhood.” 

When questioned whether she was concerned about Mort’s safety given the large amount of public housing within the dodgy neighbourhood, Martinez was confident her son would have nothing to worry about. 

“At $2.20 a litre, anyone around here with even the slightest bad bone in their body is out syphoning petrol. Ain’t no one got time to mess with Mort.”

Two suburbs over, savvy investor Hugh Honey has finally cashed in on the price of petrol, selling his reserves at a significant premium, allowing him to retire and buy the dip on Russian oligarch yachts.